Love Speaks
Valentine’s Day is approaching and I can honestly say it feels a little weird this year. First, COVID-19 has changed the way we celebrate the holidays entirely. And second, it’s the first time in a while that I’ve been single during this particular day. Regardless, the point of this special day is to express and appreciate the love you have for others.
One of the most important ways you can love someone is by using one of the Five Love Languages. If you don’t know what the Five Love Languages are, you can read more about it here. It is simply a way to define how you express and receive love best. Do you like receiving gifts? Does your partner enjoy encouraging words? Or do you appreciate it when someone does something special for you?
These are all examples of the different love languages, which are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Receiving Gifts.
In Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, he explains how important it is in every relationship to speak the proper love language. It’s been said that the way you express love is the way you want to receive love, which is something Dr. Chapman talks about as well.
Here’s the thing that most don’t talk about. The way you give love isn’t necessarily the way you want to receive love. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a nice gift and am very appreciative when I receive one, however, I enjoy giving gifts more than I enjoy receiving them. I would much rather spend some quality time with a good friend or wake up to an encouraging text from my partner. According to Dr. Chapman’s research, only 25% of people do not prefer to receive love the way they express love.
I am definitely a part of that 25% and something tells me that you are too. How do we then communicate this to our partners? Especially if your expressive love language doesn’t align with their primary love language?
Through experience, I have learned that consistently having conversations around this topic is extremely helpful. You can’t know what you don’t know, right? Here’s an example of what I am talking about.
Let’s just say my partner, Lewis Howes, (my forever man crush, don’t judge me) has a primary love language of words of affirmation, but I love expressing my love by giving gifts. Buying him presents all the time may make me happy and fill my love tank, however, it, unfortunately, won’t fill his love tank. Gifts are definitely a wonderful gesture, but it isn’t everyone’s primary love language. How can we both fill our love tanks, while expressing our different love languages? The trick is combining them.
Since I love giving gifts, and Lewis loves encouraging words, I could incorporate both in what I give him. I could write him a special card telling him how much I love and care for him, with a gift of my choice attached. He feels loved with reading my words, and I feel fulfilled and happy by giving him a special gift. Love tanks are full, problem solved.
You might be rolling your eyes by now, but this is a simple concept that most people aren’t grasping. It’s truly about understanding each other's needs and wants and the willingness to put in the work to meet those needs and wants.
Thankfully, the love languages are not only for romantic relationships, but they are also used in friendships and non-romantic relationships! If your friend’s love language is physical touch, give them a great big hug, a pat on the shoulder or a high five next time you see them (post pandemic). If your mom’s love language is words of affirmation, send her a positive and uplifting text telling her how much you appreciate her.
It’s that simple, which is why I believe it’s a hard concept to grasp in today’s society.
This Valentine’s Day I encourage you and that special someone to communicate your love languages, and plan your day according to your results. Even during the pandemic, there are plenty of ways to express the Five Love Languages. See below for some tips for each love language:
Words of Affirmation
Write a nice card for that special someone. Tell them how much they’ve impacted your life. Cards barely cost a thing!
Phone a friend and encourage them if they are going through a tough time. Phone calls with friends are the best!
Acts of Service
Do the laundry and dishes for your spouse. This is one of my favorites, especially after coming home from a long day at work.
Offer to babysit for a couple so they can enjoy a date night. This is a huge one for plenty of parents out there.
Physical Touch
Believe it or not, Netflix and chill, in its alternative and literal meaning, a good movie and cuddling on the couch is probably my favorite way to spend time with that special someone. Physical touch doesn’t always mean sex, for a lack of a better term!
Not sure if this counts or not, but since we are social distancing, paying a visit to a friend would really make their day. Even though you are staying 6 feet apart, there’s a sense of closeness and intentionality. (this aligns more with quality time, but you get the point)
Quality Time
Valentine’s Day doesn’t always have to involve a fancy dinner. Decide on a recipe you and your partner both like and schedule a time to cook together. There’s something very special about working together on a specific activity that makes you even closer to one another. Working towards a shared goal and enjoying the results together is truly rewarding!
If you are in quarantine, there are plenty of ways to express quality time with someone! If you have Facetime, Zoom, or Whatsapp, set aside some time to virtually meet with your loved ones. Even if it’s only a few minutes or an hour, the time spent having conversation with those you care about means more than most gifts and gestures.
Receiving Gifts
A gift doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, the best gifts in life are priceless. This could be the gift of time or effort. If you have the finances, flowers are a lovely gift. Flowers are my absolute favorite gift to receive. The impermanence of these amazing plants affords them beauty beyond measure.
The gift of a meal delivered to someone’s home also goes a long way. During these difficult times, I can tell you that most would appreciate a good meal delivered to their door. My favorite service to use is DoorDash, but you can also use UberEats or Postmates.
There you have it my loves. Loving someone doesn’t have to be difficult, but it certainly takes effort and intentionality. I hope you all feel loved and I hope you have wonderful Valentine’s Day this year. Feel free to share your Valentine’s ideas with me by emailing me at connect@mindulmarie.com.
Love you all and take care.
MM
