Becoming A Better Listener
Have you ever been in a conversation where you’re talking, but you see the other person isn’t truly listening? You then call this individual out and ask them if they are listening and they tell you something like, “Yeah I’m listening. You said…..” Of course, they repeat exactly what you say, but you know in your heart that they weren’t truly listening to you.
I’ve been there more than not, on both sides of the spectrum.
To truly become a good listener, you have to become fully present and engaged. If not, you would then be passively listening, which can feel so crappy being on the other end of the conversation.
This week I was reviewing things to improve personally, and the first thing that came to mind was being a better listener. Sure, I feel like I am a fantastic listener, as I have plenty of family and friends who reach out, because of this fact, but I definitely know I can improve immensely.
I reviewed books, podcasts and past experiences and gathered some helpful ways to become a better listener. I have used most of these strategies, however, there is always room for growth.
Here are some key tips for becoming a better listener:
Make complete eye contact. There is nothing more disappointing than watching someone become distracted as you talk to them. It feels like no one cares enough to listen and to be present with you.
Ask more questions. Asking a question that is related to what the other person has to say demonstrates your interest and investment in the conversation. For example, you could use the phrase, “Tell me more.” This opens up the conversation and makes the other person feel like they are worthwhile.
Turn your phone off or on Do Not Disturb mode. Nothing is more aggravating than someone constantly checking their phone or responding to notifications. It’s completely disrespectful and it makes it blatantly obvious that the other person does not care for you or the conversation. (of course, emergencies are different, but you get the idea.)
Listen wholeheartedly. What I mean by this is, don’t try to plan out a response or argument in your head as the other person is talking. There is plenty of time for discussion. Instead, truly listen and observe what the other person is saying and why they are saying it. Once you get the full picture of what is being said and the other person has finished speaking, you can then respond appropriately.
The conversation doesn’t always have to be about you. Generally, the best friends are those who listen and genuinely care about you. They don’t put any focus on themselves at all, and just simply give you their full and undivided attention.
After using these tips, I have found myself becoming more aware of the kind of listener I am and the kind of listener I am becoming. It truly is amazing how good it feels to simply listen to someone and engage with them. It reminds me of the Golden Rule of doing to others what you would want done to you. This same thing goes for listening. Listen to others as you would want to be listened to.
Hope you all are having a fantastic week. Love you and take care.
- MM
